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Conversational Narcissist  

Are you a conversational narcissist?

Most of us are good talkers but lousy listeners. So, here's how to know if your conversations are consistently more about you than anyone you're talking with:

  • You give little or no focus to what other people tell you.
  • Your undying preoccupation is laser-locked on what you're going to say next.
  • You habitually hijack conversational subjects and steer them toward your own interests and experiences.
  • Your stories are always "better" or "more important" than anyone else's—therefore, more worthy of airtime.

Most of us love to talk more than listen. That’s garden variety selfishness. But conversational narcissists are me-monster addicts. They’ve never encountered a chat that couldn’t become all about them. Protest all you like, but if that’s really you, your friends and family already know.

I'm reading a book called How to Listen with Intention. Author Patrick King points out, "Conversational narcissism may look on its surface like a regular conversation, but on closer inspection, it actually resembles two people spouting monologues"—and they're right next to each other!

The problem is as old and knotty as sin itself. The answer? Patrick King suggests, "Listening well requires that you suspend your own self-interest and ego and gracefully allow someone else to shine." This sounds remarkably like Philippians 2:4--

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Our conversations say everything about our interests in others, our Savior—and ourselves. Maybe a good next step for all of us is to simply say less—much less—and listen more. Much more!

 

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry

- James 1:19

 

 

 
Hot Dog Theology  

If you think of an Oscar Meyer hotdog as nothing less than an assault on good nutrition, you can skip this blog. But if you hold a soft spot in your heart, a place on your palate—and your plate—for hot dogs, prepare to be amused.

Those yellow-band packaged Oscar Mayer hotdogs go back to 1929. Sales grew steadily even throughout the depression, and Oscar Mayer became a household name.

With commercial success, brand recognition, and the 1936 introduction of the kitschy Weinermobile, the company lacked but one thing: a catchy jingle. So, in 1963, Oscar Meyer sponsored a national contest inviting anyone to submit their musical ideas.  

Ironically, Richard Trentlage only learned about the contest the night before the deadline. In about an hour, he scribbled out a melody and lyrics and recorded a demo with his 11-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter. The next day, he drove up to Wisconsin from his suburban Chicago home to drop off the entry—and then waited. And waited. More than one year (and many focus groups) later, Trentlage learned he had won.

Once released, that jingle went viral before things went viral. To the point where people started requesting it on the radio! You know the lyrics:

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener,

That is what I'd truly like to be-ee-ee.

'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener,

Everyone would be in love with me.

 

The tune is perky, and the lyrics amuse.

But I’m stuck on that phrase: “If I were on Oscar Mayer Weiner, everyone would be in love with me.” The idea conveyed (all in good fun, of course) is that if you really want the love of others, you gotta do something. In this case, become a hot dog.

You say, Jon, you’re way overthinking this. It’s just a jingle! Maybe. But I’m convinced that many Christians—could it be most Christians—secretly believe that same hot dog theology. We “sing” messages to ourselves like:

  • If I were a lot more holy…
  • If I were me without my past…
  • If I were able to get past my abuse, my divorce, my prison record… THEN God would be in love with me!

Nothing could be further from biblical truth. Ephesians 2:4,5 declares, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace, you have been saved.”

If He loved before you loved Him, you can do nothing to earn more of that love. Nothing. You already have it! Almighty God is already in love with you!

That’s something to celebrate!

(With or without a hotdog).

 

P.S. Enjoy that photo of the Weinermobile—27 feet of pure fun!

 

 
Eating Our Own Kind  

It has the most powerful bite of any shark on the planet. At 1,300 pounds of bite force per square inch, the Bull shark is even more powerful than the Great White. By the way—puny humans like us have a bite force that maxes out at a mere 150psi.

Bull sharks are found all over the world in saltwater oceans as well as freshwater lakes. They’ve even been found in Alton, Illinois—some 1800 miles up the Mississippi River! Not to creep you out, but almost no one in the water is safe from a Bull Shark.

They eat dolphins and turtles (hard shells easily cracked by the shark's teeth). And Bull sharks will even attack hippos!

But here’s the creepiest fact of all. Bull shark babies, known as pups, usually live in mangrove swamps away from big nasty predators. But adult Bull sharks take advantage of this—eating the young of their own kind.

Disgusting? Absolutely. But what about us?

When we chew on juicy theories about why one of the church’s worship singers left her husband—aren’t we eating our own kind?

When we tear apart the pastor's sermon—over lunch, no less—aren't we eating our own kind?

When we hungrily swallow unflattering words about fellow believers, aren’t we guilty of eating our own kind?

That evil behavior comes so naturally is an ugly proof of Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked."

Today, let’s choose to be gentle—extra gentle—on the people around us. Especially those that rub us the wrong way. Remember—we’re called to be harmless as doves, not ruthless as sharks.

 

But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.

- Galatians 5:15

 

 
Free--But Not Really  

It might be the most abused word in the English language: Free.

Aware of our undying quest to get something for nothing, advertisers love to splash this word all over brochures, billboards, and websites. But that free word is almost always accompanied by an asterisk—essentially, a tiny technicality that allows greedy people and their companies to pose as if they are offering something they are not.

Nowhere is this more evident than on the web. Waiting for my flight at O’Hare, I was invited to click on “ORD_free_Wifi."  But if you click it, you are taken to a website eager to take your money for pay-only access to O’Hare’s Wi-Fi.

Try doing a Google search for "Free Photos." You'll see any number of websites all claiming to offer free images. But when you click, you find a mixture of photos displayed, with the most prominent ones offered by fee-based companies like Shutterstock or iStock. Their images are positively not free!

So, why is this kind of misleading representation even allowed? Such a practice violates every notion of false advertising!

This is just one more contrast that makes Jesus so refreshing, so appealing compared to anything the world offers. When Christ says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden,” He doesn’t present a tantalizing fake offer with fine print.

When He offers to set you free from the power of sin, there’s no charge When He promises free forgiveness, it really is free.

When He offers free salvation, there’s no catch, no small print—and no fee!

Thanks be to God for His no-fine-print gift of Jesus, the Savior!

 

“Freely you received, freely give.”

--Matthew 10:8b

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
The Surpassing Power of Mercy  

Emma’s face reddened with embarrassment.

In a large group setting, the five-year-old blurted out a response to a question that was merely rhetorical. Emotion took a few minutes to kick in, but then hot tears drizzled down Emma's cherubic face.

I hugged, kissed, patted, and assured her there was nothing to worry about, nothing to be ashamed of. She quieted some, and Emma brightened at my invitation to play a game of Uno.

Important note: when you play Uno with a five-year-old, their little hands can't hold all the cards. So, Emma and her sister Ava spread the cards out on the table. Even so, Emma almost always wins against us adults. She is that tough a player!

However, I was a bit confused when allowed to nick me with a "Draw Two" or "Draw Four" card—Emma chose a harmless alternative. I pointed this out to her, but she would not budge. Another chance came for Emma to zap me, and again she declined.

As she cuddled against me, I sensed that Emma just might be so grateful for an earlier gift of mercy, she would not be deterred from returning the kindness the only way she knew. Mercy felt that good.

It always does.

Like its cousin, forgiveness, mercy is the gift that everybody wants—but few give. It’s the Band-Aid craved by every bleeding soul.

How much does a hug cost? How pricey is a pat on the back? Would it bankrupt us to offer a word of encouragement? In the economy of Christ, mercy is the gold, and those who have given the most are the only truly wealthy ones.

Who needs your mercy?

 

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

—Jesus, Matthew 5:7

 
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Jon GaugerJon Gauger

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